What's the use? You never change. You never listen! This is a horribly dysfunctional relationship and I should walk away but I can't. I still feel like I need you. If only you'd come over to my side just a little bit. Just once in a while could you give me a little hope for you and for our future? No, I know you too well now. It'll never happen. We're doomed to this miserably wretched existence together because, let's face it-- I need you more than you need me and you know it.
Speaking of miserably wretched, the Biscuit also finds himself thus these days. He sure got himself in a heapalotta trouble last week. I find him a remarkable study in how much crap one can bring raining down on himself day after day. Talk about not listening! I must admit that when I visualize the Biscuit as of late, I see him standing in a number of places staring off into space, doing whatever it is he does when he thinks nobody's watching (though I usually AM watching- but that's another post) with a kind of gigantic Pandora's box perpetually hanging over his head. All that's between all the horrible stuff in the box and Biscuit's head is a thin, cheap, made-in-China trap door, and fixed to the trap door is a beautiful, bright, glittery, sparkly, eye-catching jewel-encrusted chain.
I see this and attempt to avert the many imminent disasters looming overhead. I say, "OK, all you have to do is NOT yank that chain and everything will be cool. You'll be happy, I'll be happy and all will be right with the world. Just ignore it-- pretend it isn't there. Because if you yank on it, even just slightly, you will find copious amounts of foul, sticky, stinky crap raining down on you heavily and for an extended period of time. That will be bad. You don't want that. You won't like it. So don't touch the chain. Do you understand?" The Biscuit tears his eyes away from the chain (which has completely entranced him because it's another one of those shiny objects that lures him in like a brainless fish) and nods at me. "Take your hand off of it!!!" I exclaim, my voice plaintively ringing out but falling too late on his deaf ears. I can see what's coming and I watch as this thought process steamrolls through his brain....
Wordswordswords, Pie is talkingtalkingtalking about something and yesyesyes I
hear you and agree to whatever. Please stop talking- I have more
important things to think about! There's that bad guy in Halo 3 that I
can't beat and I just need to get that armored vehicle and I'd
totally PWN him and dude this chain thing is SO COOL and I just
need to see what will happen if I pull on it ever so slightly and oh,
wait a sec-- what is that raining down out of the sky coming right for
me!?! Holy cow! I can't get out of the way and now curiosity is
turning to panic and I can't let go of this cool chain thing so YANK
HARDER! AHHHHH!!!! What is all this stuff?!?!? What's
happening?!?!?! Pie? Help me! What? Let go? Let go of
what?!?! Oh the chain thing! I didn't realize I was holding
it!! Yeah, okay, I'll let go. All right, just a sec. That
armored Halo 3 vehicle is just what I need to totally PWN that guy I
totally need to PWN him it makes me so mad that he kills me every
time-- Huh? Let go of the what? Oh yeah, the chain- that's
where all this is coming from and I should stop the flow first? How? Oh, OK,
that makes sense. Yeah I should just listen to you. How did this
happen, anyway? Wow what a mess. This smells really bad. Why didn't you tell me this would happen? I totally need to go try to get that vehicle.
And thus the Biscuit brought down myriad loads of crap (not Craps) upon himself. Once it began it just kept going and going and going. Not that I was surprised in the least. Sigh. I love that kid with all my heart and guts and all the ethereal dust of the universe but his penchant for bright shiny objects will bring ruin upon us all.
On the bright side, I din't have to clean the bathrooms this weekend. The Biscuit got to. Super Special Lucky Ducky Biscuit! Although in retrospect, perhaps this wasn't the greatest idea. Oh dear! What have I done? I just forced the Biscuit to spend some intimate quality time with Crane, my slacker nemesis. God only knows what evils the Biscuit will now find himself suddenly inspired to commit. And he'll have to do them over and ove and over because that's how Crane rolls. Just do it over and over and over. It's not like anything changes. Hmmm. Well, perhaps Biscuit had an epiphany of his own. Seeing as how he seems to consider me metaphorically full of crap and quite frequently finds Crane literally so, hopefully he will realize that if he wishes to spend his weekend in the presence of anything BESIDES crap, he should keep his hands off of the bright shiny objects.
I can always hope.
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